| Boys and stuff. |
[Feb. 11th, 2005|12:41 pm] |
There are two guys in my life that I feel try to be better than the other one. A father and a guy. What a great combination. A father, who I think, doesn't really want me to grow up. Or what I really mean, doesn't want any of his children to grow up. He has 4 girls all together, and I think he would sometimes would like to decide and do everything for us. Which is sometimes wonderful. If ever I am in a bind, I know I can always count on my daddy. But honestly, sometimes I need to fall flat on my face, stumble here and there, and not always have the "answers" or "wisdom" grown ups may have. I feel I should learn this wisdom. There are tons of advantages of having a daddy though.
Then there's the "other" guy. He is always feeling that he can fix and decide everything for me. Oh, and my dad dislikes him and he dislikes my dad. I really think they should like each other though, they are almost identical in their attitudes. I think that's what attracts me to this guy, he will do anything in his power to make sure I don't have to do anything. He, like my dad, treats me like a Princess. Which is nice, don't get me wrong, but like my dad, he has his disadvantages too. Which is almost the same. If I go and adventure away to do something on my own, it's a bad idea. You should have seen when I tried to get my own car, I went to the dealership by myself, and in his eyes, I made a HUGE mistake. They took advantage of me, blah blah blah. I'm sure every girl/lady has heard this at least once. Everyone is trying to take advantage of us. I have a friend, who is so incrediably awesome, and I don't ever see anyone taking advantage of her. She is strong, she knows what she wants, she listens to other people's opinions, etc. Ultimately though, she does what she feels is best for her. I'm really trying to soak this up in my own life, she is a great inspiration to me.
Anyway, so these two guys, contstantly butting heads. Constantly butting my head!! So, I hear in the background my friends telling me to stand up for myself, and I always say I will, but I never do. I think, after just getting off of the phone w/ "guy" that this REALLY needs to happen, I need to start living my OWN life the way I would like. I have made a few attempts at this and I'm really hoping I can try and do better at this. So, as I look forward to my upcoming birthday, I think that is what I will make for a "new year resolution." Start my 24th year of life in a different light. Lets just hope I stick to it:) |
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| Work Today |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|10:51 am] |
This is my first entry of my journal, and I'm sure my best friend Louisa will be excited I finally did it:) When I came to work today, the servers were down, so that means NO work can be done. This is the worst part about working for an internet company. When a server goes down or the internet company has a problem, you are screwed. Hundreds of dollars down the drain. Anyway, so we are all sitting here goofing off, entertaining ourselves. Luckily I work with a wonderful group of people, and we are are pretty tight knit. We all get along on a personal level, work level, that's a different story.
One of my co-workers just talked me into going to the car delearship he went to, and finding a new car. I'm really not too sure about this, but it's something I have been thinking of. My dad says I should wait a couple of years..but I don't know. I'm just going to go tomorrow w/ Adam and check it out, see what's out there, see what the dealer can do for me. Adam has had his friends go through this certain delear and Adam's pretty fond of him.
I have a counseling appointment today and am pretty freaked out about it. I have really been putting it off, which isn't too good, but I just hate talking about what's going on. My therapist wants to go "deep" into the past to see what has happened to me. I guess that is kind of scary, especially with all the memory suppresion she is talking about. I have slowed down on my medication she prescribed, which isn't too good either. I just hate the fact that I have to take medicine to make me think clearly, or "normally". My therapist has said though that the bi-polar will only get worst w/ age, so I have to kick it in the butt now, and keep on top of it. Oh, and it's also a chemical imbalance that was triggered due to an instance in my past. Which I guess is what we are figuring out. Fun. I think sometimes this stuff is a bunch of crap, and she is trying to make money off of me. The only thing I see though, is that my mom is really really concerned. I have never seen my mom this concerned about me. My mom is one of those people that don't worry about anything. She is so strong and so confident that everything will be fine, that she just doesn't worry. She has had so much faith in me and filled me with such positiveness when I have been down, it's hard to see her so concerned. I guess that's the main reason I'm trying to stick on this. I just wish she knew half the stuff that has happened, but I just don't want to hurt my family, especially my sisters. They are way important to me.
Our computer system is STILL down and it is now 12:41pm. I guess our server is down and it's a hardware problem. Which really makes no sense to me, but Gary (our kick-ass programmer) understands. So we are just sitting here twiddling our thumbs, trying to find things to do.
System is back up! Going back to work. |
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